We dial to make you smile.

Don't do both guides. Pick one.

• A headset. Headphones stop the call from leaking back into your mic.
• A mic. The one on your headset counts.
• A call machine. Whatever places your calls: a softphone app with your VoIP provider, for example. The original guide used Skype, which has since shut down. RIP Skype. The settings below work the same in any call app.
• A stream machine. Whatever sends your audio to Prankcast, like Rocket Broadcaster (used in the original guide) or the classic BUTT, which really is called that.
• Voicemeeter Potato, only if you're doing the Full Dirty.

Bad with computer machines, or just want to get your feet wet? This is the one. You can still have a guest by calling them with your call machine, but they'll sound like they're on a phone. This setup (or something close) has carried plenty of successful prank callers for years.

1. In Windows sound settings, set your default output to your headset and your default input to your mic.

   

2. In your call machine: microphone = your mic, speakers = your headset.

   

3. In your stream machine: input = your mic, plus your system sounds (your headset, or the Windows default). In Rocket Broadcaster, tick both of those boxes.

   

4. That's it. Go call a hotel.

This won't teach you Voicemeeter, but if you follow every single step you'll have a working rig. Skip one and you will be haunted.

1. Install Voicemeeter Potato.
2. Set every device to 48000 Hz. Windows 11: Settings → System → Sound → More sound settings. On the Playback tab, right-click each device you'll use (every Voicemeeter device plus your speakers and headset) → Properties → Advanced → set the format to 48000 Hz (24-bit if you can). Then do the same on the Recording tab for every Voicemeeter device and every mic. Miss one and you'll be plagued with bad audio for years to come.

   

3. Set your Windows default output to Voicemeeter Input.
4. Set your Windows default input to Voicemeeter Out B3.

   

   

5. In Voicemeeter, set Hardware Input 1 to your mic (click the input's label).

   

   

6. Set A1 (top right) to your computer speakers.
7. Set A2 to your headset.

   

   

8. Light up the routing buttons on each strip exactly like the cheat sheet.

   

   

9. Mute A1 or A2 so you only hear things in one place. Flip the two mutes to switch between speakers and headset.

   

10. Call machine: microphone = Voicemeeter Out B1, speakers = Voicemeeter AUX Input.

    

11. Stream machine: broadcast Voicemeeter Out B3, and make sure it's the only source, or everything doubles. Recording separately? Record B3 too.

    

12. Chat machine (Discord): input = Voicemeeter Out B2, output = Voicemeeter VAIO3 Input. Mumble works the same way, but only one chat app at a time, or the two rooms can hear you but not each other.

    

13. Done. Your chat can hear the call and your music, and the person you call hears your music and soundboards too, so mind what's playing.

Didn't work? You skipped a step or picked the wrong device. Go back through every step. Yes, every one.

Which buttons to light on each Voicemeeter strip. A = what you hear (speakers, headset). B = who else hears it: B1 the call, B2 chat, B3 the stream.

The rule behind the whole table: nothing ever goes back to where it came from.

Inputs: sounds coming in

Inputs are everything Voicemeeter can hear: your mics, and the sound coming out of your programs (dialer, chat, music, soundboards). Voicemeeter Potato gives you 5 hardware inputs (your physical mics) and 3 virtual inputs (programs).

The virtual inputs have confusing names, so here's the decoder ring. When a program asks where to send its sound ("speakers"), pick one of these:

• Voicemeeter Input: virtual input 1. Your Windows default: browser, music, soundboards.
• Voicemeeter AUX Input: virtual input 2. Your call machine.
• Voicemeeter VAIO3 Input: virtual input 3. Your chat machine.

Outputs: who gets to hear what

Outputs are where the mixed sound goes. The A outputs (A1–A5) are hardware, like your speakers and headset, set across the top of Voicemeeter. The B outputs (B1–B3) are virtual. Other programs pick them as their microphone: Voicemeeter Out B1 for the call, Out B2 for chat, Out B3 for the stream.

Mixing: the A/B buttons

Every input strip has A1–A5 and B1–B3 buttons. Light a button and that input goes to that output. Your mic lights all the B's and no A's. The call lights the A's (so you hear it), B2 (so chat hears it) and B3 (so the stream hears it), but not B1, because that would send the call back to itself. Chat is the mirror image: everything except B2.

"But WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!" Calm down. Look at the cheat sheet again. Clear as mud, right?

A virtual cable lets a program's sound come in on a hardware input slot. Voicemeeter includes one free cable and sells more.

Why bother? Potato only has 3 virtual inputs. Say you want soundboards (from a Stream Deck, maybe) on their own volume slider separate from your music. Send the soundboards to the cable, set a spare hardware input to the cable's other end, and now music and soundboards have their own faders.

Cables also let you run two chat apps at once (Discord and Mumble both hearing everything), or add a fourth output. Put a cable on a spare A slot for a separate recording, so you can mute something on the stream and still keep it in the recording.

• Start with Windows: in the Voicemeeter menu, turn on the options to run at Windows startup and show on launch.
• Mic full of fuzz? Turn up the denoiser on your mic strip.
• Mic picks up everything (keyboard, clicks, the dog)? Turn up the gate.
• Want labels like the pros? Right-click any strip's name to rename it.

• Playing sounds through your mic in Discord? Turn off Discord's noise reduction, or it'll eat your soundboard.
• Robot voice or crackle? Something isn't on 48000 Hz. Go back to step 2 of the Full Dirty.
• Everything sounds doubled on the stream? Your stream machine has more than one source. It should only have Out B3.